The Proposal

When I think of a wedding proposal, my mind goes back to the fairty tale days of the prince sweeping the maiden off her feet and making her into a princess. Much like in Cinderella when she was just a peasant girl slaving for her wicked step family, the prince falls in love with her. He proposes and they get married, living happily ever after. 

I have three daughters, so courtship is something I have read a lot about. I remember the days I was searching historical books to find out just how courting was done many years ago. Not much was really written on the topic, at least not from a Christian perspective. Then we saw many courtship type books being written and flying off the shelves and into the hands of many Christian parents.

Courtship is a cultural thing created by the families and each family has a different set of ideals they implement into this idea. Each family is unique but I have a strong feeling that most of us have one important ideal in mind before giving our blessing to our daughters getting married. We want to know that she will be loved unconditionally.

There's a young man who is looking for a bride. He's the potential groom. He keeps his eye out for a young woman to court. Each woman he encounters is his opportunity to share with these ladies what he is looking for in a woman. He finds a damsel and proceeds to tell her his desires. 

"Accept my invitation to marriage. I will provide for you, but you must do something for me. You must accept my marriage proposal under these conditions; if you refuse me, I will send you to the basement where you will be in constant pain for the rest of your life. If you choose me, I will save you from that fate. If your family does not accept me as your groom, I will also send them to my basement where they will suffer their whole lives. 

They all must accept me as your groom. If they don't, you will never see them again. Every friend you will ever make for the rest of your life, must accept me or I will put them in the basement with the others. They will all suffer. When we have children, if they don't accept me as your groom and as their father, I will also send them to the basement to suffer. It's their choice. 

They are free to reject me, but I will send them to the basement if they do. And if you choose to marry me, you MUST tell everyone you know, that they MUST choose me. YOU are responsible for warning them about my basement and tell them I will save them from it, IF they choose me."

I'm not sure about you, but I would NEVER allow my daughters to marry a man who gives this kind of proposal. This is the type of abusive mentality that is inflicted on women and children in abusive families all over the world. The controlling threats to keep people close to them is abuse, plain and simple. The cycle of violence in mental and emotional abuse is a twisted sort of mind control. It puts you in fear, thinking you need to jump through hoops to keep this kind of guy happy, or else. Would you allow your daughter to marry this kind of groom?

This hypothetical groom is in fact a groom that is presented to people every Sunday. He is not of Christ. Everything Christ came to do, love, heal, forgive, reconcile, is not who that groom is. What kind of groom have you accepted as your savior? Is your savior the false savior who threatens all your loved ones? Or have you chosen the groom who sweeps you off your feet in his endless abounding love and devotion?

The false groom wants you to believe in his painful basement so that he can present himself as 'a' savior. He would be 'saving you' from his basement. See how twisted his thinking is? He swoons you with threats, then says he will save you from his own threats.

Jeremiah 7:31 And they have built the high places of Topheth, which is in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom (Gehenna), to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire, which I did not command, nor did it come into my mind.

Lets look at how Jesus attracts people.

• He offered Living Water to the Samaritan woman.
• He healed the Centurion's servant.
• He forgave the people who crucified him.
• He raised the brother of the two sisters from the dead.
• He never lashed out at the people who accosted him in the garden.
• He reconciled people to His Father. 

All of this was done with unconditional love. He draws us to himself through love. He died for us WHILE we were sinners. I just think it's time to rethink how we are introducing our wonderful Savior to people. Or perhaps some people need to rethink what kind of 'a' savior some people are serving.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

So just how do we view our groom? Which groom have you been following?
Are we spreading threats and hate? Or are we sharing the Gospel (Good News) that Jesus LOVES them?

2 Corinthians 5:19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.

Lisa

Steadfast and Quivering at the Feet of my King

The last couple of days I was thinking about the turmoil I see on 'fair and balanced' news programs, political and religious debates on Facebook, multiple fear factor YouTube videos, and the war between the Law and the Spirit in the blogosphere. Someone on Facebook tried to cast fear upon me in regards to Islam and another person said Rapunzel fleeing her captor was a rebellious act. Sometimes I really struggle with using words of grace, because my flesh wants to say, "Oh brother!"

And yet people want to know where we stand on such issues and I believe we all have the freedom to speak up about how we feel without fear of reprisal. Is it abusive of me to say,"Oh brother!" ? Am I uncaring for thinking some people are crippled by fear mongering and narcissistic behaviors? OOPS! Did I just label a behavior in a way that casts judgment? How in the world do you remain steadfast and still quivering in humility before our Lord?

Then He whispers into my ear, "Naaman's handmaid." I remember this story from when a 3rd grade girl's Sunday School teacher taught about being a peacemaker in difficult circumstances. I was a 21 year old assistant to this teacher and yet I felt like I was one of the 3rd grade girls listening to this story. She was kidnapped from her people and forced to be a servant. I would have to imagine this was not what the girl wanted, but there was nothing she could so about it. Somewhere along the line, her parents must have been compassionate parents who raised her to be obedient to her elders, even if she didn't like what they are doing. For this little girl to speak out against her captors could have meant a whipping, death, or imprisonment. She had to obey.

There must have been times when her parents had taught her the reason why we obey those who have the rule over us, even when we disagree. In addition to this, I would imagine they also taught her when it's good to speak up about what we believe, even if it means death. I see in the story that she had discernment to know when to keep silent and when to speak up. Then I pondered in my heart, "How do we speak up in the face of such serious consequences and remain respectful?"

He then whispered again, "Esther." I also learned about Esther from the same Sunday School teacher. Esther knew that going before the King, her very own husband and head of household, could mean death. She knew that coming to him about a law, that he was deceived into making, would be a challenge of his authority in the land. Doing such a thing would have tremendously difficult consequences for the entire land. It was a sensitive issue to question the king and his highest servants.

Esther and the little handmaid were both steadfastly quivering before their authorities. They both spoke up when it meant destruction if they did. They knew there could be criticism from many for 'challenging' the authority of those over them. As a child of God, a handmaiden for our Lord, a servant of the King, a wife, and a mother, I saw all sides of this dilemma.

The still small, yet powerful voice, encouraged me, "You can be both steadfast and quivering."

I sighed deeply and let that sink in to my soul. We have boldness to come before the throne room of our God and know His scepter of grace will be extended. We can know that even if we have a misunderstanding, hurt feelings, anger or even despair, that he will listen.

He listens when we cry out to him in anguish that we don't understand why we are taken into captivity, or that our families are in danger of Haman's laws to 'kill' our families with his legalism. I think He dislikes it more than we do, yet He allowed it. He allowed the handmaid to be kidnapped and He allowed Esther to be forced to marry. In those circumstances is when His power was revealed in their lives. That didn't mean it was right for the army to steal the little girl. It didn't make it right that Esther was forced to marry the king. But God had a higher purpose that was much grander than they knew at the time.

We don't get angry with the little handmaid's story nor are we angry with Esther. We don't accuse them of disobedience for speaking up about what they had gone through or that they shed light on the corruption that was taking place. We applauded them for their bravery!

And yet we live in a world where we are criticized by our own brethren when we speak up about the government and abusive legalism in the households of faith. So here I am, steadfastly quivering at the feet of my King. I am steadfast that I can boldly enter his throne room in quivering humility beseeching His grace and mercy for the victims and their captors.

Did Namaan realize how much the little girl would miss her family? Did he realize how much pain it would be to have her taken from her loved ones? I don't know, but I know God used her to bring him to the prophet for healing when leprosy plagued his body. In doing so he became a believer in the Living God. Is leprosy somehow an imagery of legalism or spiritual abuse?

Did the king know how much a young lady wants to actually fall in love with the man she would choose to marry? Did it matter to him that her heart longed to be with her family instead of isolated in the castle? I don't know, but I do know that her act of obedience and bravery saved the entire Jewish race. Is this an imagery of how we withhold freedom from others?

I don't know why God allows children to be abused, whether physically, sexually, or spiritually. But I do know that as God delivers us, we have the opportunity to speak up about what he has delivered us from. As a believer, it makes me so sad when other believers accuse the testimony of Christ in another. We all make mistakes as children of God, as parents, as friends. Forgiveness for one another frees our own hearts from bitterness so we can be lamps for the Light within us. He wants to shine through our cracks and cast His Light upon the world to show them the way. The Light bleeding through the cracks is naturally going to also show those cracks and we tell where those cracks come from. We tell about the cracks, because if those cracks weren't there, how would the Light shine through? 

Why do Christians try to cover the cracks?

"Don't tell anyone how those cracks got there! You'll bring a shame to the ones who caused those cracks."

Then don't tell the story of how the handmaid was kidnapped and forced into slavery. Don't you DARE tell the story of Esther and how her king forced her into marriage. Heaven forbid you tell about Queen Vashti and her mistakes. But through all those details is how the Light shines through to this dark world. You can't hide the Light under a bushel, He's meant to sit on a hill. He's meant to shine in the 'darkness', because it's in the darkness that the Light is needed.

The darkness is all around us and we can't hide darkness. The Light is going to find His way to shine in that darkness. Shall we hide the Light and remain in darkness? Shall we continue to stumble? The greatest darkness of Christianity is that of hiding the Light in the household of faith. Christianity doesn't want it's covers stripped. It doesn't want it's cracks revealed and in doing so it's followers don't want Christ to shine.

Allowing Christ to shine in Christianity would mean we see the clergy who abuse children, who cheat on their wives, on deacons who force hierarchy control over their families, on wives who live in fear of telling her husband that is spanking tactics are out of control, in the world where children are afraid to say they don't believe in hell out of fear of going there.

Christianity has become the place where teens are cutting, anorexic, and closeted, without the parents knowing, because they fear rejection and loss of love and relationship. 

Christians live in just as much dark as the world around it and they have the Answer to their problems living within them. They just don't want to have Him revealed, because it would reveal their cracks.

What are we afraid of? The same thing we all fear, rejection from our loved ones. Because we fear deep down that they won't extend to us the grace our Lord has lavished us with.

Did Haman want Esther to speak up? Of course not, but it was needed to save her people. And here I am, speaking up for my people... I am steadfastly quivering before the feet of our King...

Christianity has cracks and they are there because of the stones hurled at glass houses. Many became transparent and the modern Pharisees saw through the glass walls and hurled stones at what they saw. The walls are cracked and falling apart. And all they need is grace so they can heal. No amount of bandages can heal or cover the cracks or what is inside the households of faith. Only Love covers these multitudes and grace doesn't want to hide, it wants to shine. In doing so, we will know how the cracks got there, but can we offer grace to the modern Pharisees? Can the modern Pharisees stop casting stones and pointing out sin? Jesus covered our sin, why do we want to uncover what He covered?

The Scepter of Grace is such a powerful weapon. It reveals that we are quivering daughters trying to be steadfast in a dark world of legalism. But Mercy embraces each of us as we embark on our individual walkabouts with God. He lavished Grace on all of us and we each have unique testimonies where God's son is revealed and heaven forbid we hide that lamp He has created us to be. Every single crack reveals His Glory.

~Lisa

Spiritual Abuse

I recently came upon this term 'Spiritual Abuse' and was intrigued at what it actually meant.

Occurs when a person in religious authority or a person with a unique spiritual practice mislead and maltreat another person in the name of God or church or in the mystery of any spiritual concept. Spiritual abuse often refers to an abuser using spiritual or religious rank in taking advantage of the victim's spirituality (mentality and passion on spiritual matters) by putting the victim in a state of unquestioning obedience to an abusive authority.

As I began to research this topic I found that there are millions of people who suffer from this kind of abuse, including myself. I have indeed suffered from this type of abuse. Many people don't even realize this is happening to them and when they try to seek help, people mark you as a church gossip and disloyal to your preacher(leader). Often times husbands won't realize it either and discredit their wives or children as being critical and demand them to be silent about the matter. Men who have their families in a spiritually abusive church will most likely defend their leader over believing their wives, whom they may also label as emotional.

The reason why I believe these husbands will do so is partly because I have seen it in the marriages I know and also because these men are being taught to always defend the preacher.

Today's modern Christianity seems to have lost it's focus on their families.

If you were to conduct an Internet search with the keywords: "Spiritual Abuse", you will find many resources available to educate yourself about how this type of abuse works. I am not going to reinvent or re-write what has already been diligently researched and written about, but I do want to encourage you. There is help available and you do not need to remain in a fellowship where you are being abused.

This is a hefty topic and this may be the first time you have ever heard of such a thing. Even if you don't think you are being spiritually abused, I encourage you to find a few websites and do some reading about this topic. You might discover that you are suffering from this in your fellowship and you might discover things that you know a loved one is suffering from it as well.

Some key points to recognizing spiritual abuse are: (taken from Wikipedia)

* Psychological and emotional abuse
* Any act by deeds or words that demean, humiliate or shame the natural worth and dignity of a person as a human being.
* Submission to spiritual authority without any right to disagree; intimidation.
* Unreasonable control of a person's basic right to make a choice on spiritual matters.
* False accusation and repeated criticism by negatively labeling a person as disobedient, rebellious, lacking faith, demonized, apostate, enemy of the church or God.
* Prevention from practicing faith.
* Isolation or separation from family and friends due to religious affiliation
* Physical abuse that includes physical injury, deprivation of sustenance, and sexual abuse.
* Exclusivity; dismissal of an outsider's criticism and labeling an outsider as of the devil.
* Withholding information and giving of information only to a selected few.
* Conformity to a dangerous or unnatural religious view and practice.
* Hostility that includes shunning (relational aggression, parental alienation) and persecution.

There is an incredible amount of control among leaders that abuse and most times their ministries become cult-like. They refuse to allow other people lead in ministry if they have not declared and proven themselves to be a die-hard follower. If the leader says something hurtful to the women in the church, he may contact their husbands to praise the wives to their spouses. They may avoid contact with them in the future and refuse to return phone calls or emails. Leaders are not supposed to lord over God's heritage, but are supposed to be examples.

1 Peter 5:3, "Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being examples to the flock."

My heart aches for the women who know they are being treated wrongly and their husbands do not protect their wives from this kind of abuse. I realize none of us are perfect and leaders do make mistakes, but when their behavior becomes a perpetual habit that is difficult to confront and/or correct, then I would suggest it is time to look for another fellowship.

You can heal from this abuse and our Lord hasn't missed a thing. He sees everything and He knows your pain. He does not expect you to remain in an abusive situation. He loves you and He has chosen you to receive an abundant life, not an abused life. He already knows we aren't perfect and yet he accepts us anyway. I don't mean that it's acceptable to take advantage of the grace He has given you, but He knows you can't live up to His expectation. This is exactly why He died for you.

Luke 7:13, "And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not."

Our Lord Jesus certainly has seen everything you have suffered and He truly has compassion for you. Just turn to Jesus and surrender to Him completely. He can fill the emptiness and heal the pain that you have experienced.

If we can help encourage you further about this matter, please don't hesitate to contact us or leave a message for us and our readers so we can all support you and send love, through prayer, in your direction.

Sisterlisa